Little Signs Will Guide Us Home
by morebones
Summary: Pieces of conversations that will be guiding B&B toward the place they belong. - Discontinued -
1. Signs Of Fear

_**Hiatus is making us (at least me) fanfic refugees... Reading & writing (or trying to write) are the ways I use to go through the drought. So here you are a little piece, basically conversational, that I think is the first of various. **_

**_This one is a conversation between Angela & Brennan, almost all dialogue, but we can also see, in italics, Brennan's thoughts. Just hers._**

**_Thanks to Monisse that convinced me that I was not the only one to whom the fic made sense... :)_**

**_Oh!! The timelime of the story is after ep100. This one is very imprecise, that's true, but I only think in spoilers , so you're warned._**

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_**Signs Of Fear**_

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"Are you sure you're ok, sweetie?"

_No, I'm not. Not sure, nor well._

"Of course, Ange, I'm fine."

"You don't seem to be fine, Bren. You look tired and upset."

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I feel a very uncomfortable aching in the chest every time I breathe, and a burning in the pit of my stomach anytime I think about them. Obviously I'm aware that it is all due to a sudden hormone unbalance. But it's not as if I __can__ stop it._

"I guess this case is being more stressful than I had though." _It's not a lie. It really is stressful... an__d disturbingly painful._

"I see. Maybe you should talk to Sweets."

_Yes, of course, how is it that I hadn't thought of that? Talking to the kid, I mean Dr. Sweets, about my physical emotional responses to an absurd external stimulus. As if I wanted him to know what have triggered them._

_"_I don't think that would help me. You know I don't feel comfortable with..."

"With what, Bren, with psychology? With Sweets knowing YOU? With telling the truth once and for all?"

"I don't know what that..."

"Oh, no, sweetie. Don't fool me. Not this time. You always get your own way, you'll leave me hanging, in mid sentence and just walk away. But not this time. You're gonna listen to me even if you don't like it."

"Angela..." _No, please, I don't think I can bear it no__w._

"Shut up, Bren. You are scared."

"No, I am not..." _Why do people say I'm scared if I've proved once and again that I'm more than self sufficient, independent and..._

"Oh, yes, sweetie, you are. I can't say if it's of your own feelings or of this new thingy Booth has."

"I..." _Dammit, I am. Of course I am._

"Try to deny it again"

_I can't. It'd be a blatant lie. I don't like lying. But to expose the truth... Which is the truth, anyway? I'm not certain of anything anymore. Or am I? Oh!! Yes, I am._

"You're wrong Ange, I'm not scared about my feelings." _Well, maybe a little, but I can get over it ._

_That's not the point._

"Oh, c'mon sweetie."

"No, Angela, I know what I feel and I'm not scared of that." _I'm scared of having to forget everything I feel, of not being able to live it, of having to settle for the second best. Of losing him._

"Oh.. _OH!_... But... Oh, Bren. You should really talk to him"

"I've told you I'm not comfortable..."

"Not Sweets, Booth."

_Oh!_

"Booth? Why should I talk to Booth?" _I need to say something case related to distract her attention_

"We haven't had any developments in the case that he'd need to know. And he is probably busy right now." _Oh! Wh__y did I add that last sentence?__ I hope it didn't sound as strained as I think it__ sounded_.

"Busy, Bren?"

_She noticed. Of course she did._

"Well, he has a life, today is Friday... I'm quite certain that he is… busy" _Why is it that I can't use another word? Oh, yes, because if I think of what it may mean, the heartburn and the pressure in the chest will come back._

"Yes, and the only reason I'm telling you to call him is to talk about the case."

"What else could we be talking about?" _As if I didn't spend more time of what is usual (and standardly accepted) between just-partners with him._

"Yes, what else?"

"Right" _But I wonder... if Booth is going lately with his brain, shouldn't I go with my gut?_

"...Just let me tell you something, sweetie. You better use your brilliant mind to make a decision soon or it may be too late."

_It is already too late_

"I don't know wh..." _I don't know if I can._

"Sure, sweetie, sure."

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**_Let me know what you think, if this format "dialogue+one side thoughts" is confusing, if you liked it..._**

**_And anyway, thanks for reading. _**


	2. Signs Of Confusion

_**This one is long (or at least longer). It seems that Sweets, and his sessions, inspire me... The funny thing is that he is not one of my favorite characters, although I admit that it's very useful for the plot development!! Ok, ok, I confess... sometimes I even love baby duck... But only when he acts like a good baby duck!**_

_**The style of this chapter is almost the same as the previous one: Dialogue and the thoughts on just one side of the conversation. This time, Booth's thoughts are the ones displayed in Italics. Only his. However, I added some paragraphs through a narrator (3rd person omniscient) to set the scene better.**_

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**Enjoy the reading.**

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Signs of Confusion

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They had been talking all the way long from the main entrance to the elevator. Booth had decided that jumping on Sweets casually would be better than dropping by his office. Going to his office would make it a real session, and Sweets would be too happy for his own good.

The psychologist however, had been looking a tad distracted, and, although things were a little tense with him since he had decided to publish the book, Booth knew that something was definitely bothering him, something important, he could have added, due to all the thought the young psychologist had been putting on it, not even trying to hide it from Booth. So when he asked Booth with a concerned expression on his face if he minded to go with him to his office, Booth accepted, half intrigued, half unnerved.

Not long after they had reached the hallway to the psychologist's office, he gathered the strength to finally spill out whatever he had in his mind.

He asked Booth if he remembered their conversation about the scans.

_Why is he bringing this topic again? _

"Yeah..." Booth answered with prevention. _As if I could have forgotten it! _

"I don't want you to take this in a bad way, Booth. Things... Well, things have changed since then." He looked sheepishly at Booth, who was trying not to appear too surprised by the sudden change of topic.

_What the hell__ is the kid coming up to? _T_his was supposed to be a casual __non__-session in which I would persuade him subtly to tell me__if he thinks that I'm prepared to go out again with a girl in a serious (well, semi serious) way. _

"Things have changed. That's right." Booth agreed, _but... "_What 'things' are you exactly referring to?" _Yes, I'm suspicious. I don't get what __he is__doing... __When he wants something to be known, he doesn't care if I threaten him or Bones despises what he says... He just says it. _

Booth has that look in his eyes of prevention and concern at the same time. It's not usual for the kid to doubt that much about his conclusions.

"Uhh... After you two, Brennan and you, came to my office... about the book... I've... I've been checking notes..."

"Hm-mm" _I don't like this. He is nervous and fidgeting, avoiding eye contact as much as he can.... That wincing is not a good sign either... If he tries to sit straight now and puts his hands together, I'll know he is hiding something. There we have it. _

_I'm beyond suspicious now. I'm irritated... He'd better spill at once what he is trying to tell me._

"Those feelings you thought you were experiencing just after the coma? I think... I think I could have been wrong. No, not wrong... I'd say that I was not-the-right I should."

"What are you talking about, Sweets?" _Try to control your voice, Seeley. "_What does it mean you could have been wrong?" _No way the kid is saying what I think he is __saying. I__t's not possible that everything, EVERYTHING I've been acting upon since I got my real-non-coma life back is based in a lie. No..._

"Booth, no.. uh... I... When I told you about the meaning of the scans I really thought I was doing the right thing."

_The right thing? The right thing?? That tone doesn't sound like you were doing the right thing... What the hell does "the right thing" even mean to you, Sweets? Breathe, Seeley... You must stay calm to find out what this little shrink is saying._

"But you were not." _Say it, Sweets. Maybe I won't infuriate._ "_**You**_**.**.. were _**wrong**_. " _I didn't have the intention of stressing those two words, but, hell, this is frustrating..._

"Not wrong... I... I was just... interpreting them by the book."

"And **that **is not what you should have done." _If I need to take the info out of you as if you were a suspect, I'm gonna do it, boy. This is too serious not to have it done once and __for__ all._

"Sorta" _What kind of answer is __that__??? Oh, kid... You're gonna be in some trouble if you don't elaborate little more! Soon!_

"Because..." _Relax that impatient tone... We don't want the little shrink to be scared... Well, not too much, at least... He is not really a suspect, although he really feels like one right now!!_

"Oh, Agent Booth. You're making this difficult to me on purpose!"

_You can bet on it._

"Not really, Sweets, although I should. And just so you know, I'm starting to feel the need to hurt you right now, so, please, explain yourself." _Right now!_

"I... I knew the scans could be... let's say a 'not completely accurate' vision of your feelings."

"What?" _What?_

"I knew you were in love with Dr. Brennan before the coma."

"WHAT??"_ I can't... I can't..._

"I reached that conclusion a while ago. My book... My observations through the years have lead me to the certainty that your deep attachment to each other was beyond a mere professional relationship. You are partners in every sense of the word. At work, at life, in love...

_Yes, we are, aren't we?? Don't smile that silly smile in front of the kid, don't let him read you..._

"No, we aren't...I mean..." _I could have been faster, I know... "_We're partners, we're friends. That's all. Nothing else out from that."_ Good. Partners. That's safe... _"I admit that our relationship is more than professional, but it has nothing improper or shameful" _Oh, shit! I did say that out loud. He is gonna pick on that wording..._

"Would a personal romantic relationship with Dr. Brennan be shameful for you?"

_I knew it._

"Don't look me that way, Booth. I'm just asking, because that choice of words surprised me."

"I'm not ashamed of Bones" _At all, I love her. Damnit, why did I say that? Can't talk to the shrink and avoid __these __feelings all at once! Well, at least that one wasn't out loud._

"Of course not. I'm aware of the respect and profound admiration each of you professes to the other."

_Yes._

"Admiration... Bones admires me?" _Yes she does... She is so sweet... But I truly wonder why, sometimes..._

"Don't underestimate yourself, Booth. You know she really has you in a high esteem and values you not only as agent but also as a person. She acknowledges your role with people and has a great regard for your ability to connect with others and your easy going personality"

"She really does, uh?? I respect and admire her a lot too."

_A lot... More than I thought __possible. I _admire_ her. Sounds good. _Admire_ is a safe word... Not love..._

"I know, Booth. Don't think I've forgotten your wording. Shame?"

"Sweets..." _Maybe I should try to answer... _"I... uh... Look Sweets, I'm nothing but proud of Bones." _Yeah... _"She is the most amazing human being I've ever met"_ The woman of my dreams, metaphorically and literally "_It's only that we... she..."

"You feel that you're betraying her for harboring those feelings toward her. You feel self conscious. You've assumed the role of her keeper and feel responsible for her, hence the sense of regret and the impossibility of accepting..."

_That silliness of the attack that you mentioned on that stupid book?? I don't think so, kid._

"Hey, hey... Stop there kid. I'm not..." _I don't regret..._ "You're confusing me. What I … What I feel..." _I know what I feel_. "It's not a topic of discussion."

"What exactly are you admitting to feel?"

_Admitting _it_ to you?? No way!!_

"I'm not admitting or denying anything."

_Don't let him convince you with that friendly helpless face._

"Oh... Don't pout, Sweets... I'm not saying anything else. In fact, I shouldn't have come here in the first place" _I should leave... Yes, that's right. Gotta go._

"But you did. Because you needed counseling"

_I did come... And maybe I need -I mean, needed- counseling. Geez... I can't fool myself. If I didn't need it before, I'll need it now. How was he able to do that to me? To us?_

"All right. Maybe I came to you searching some advise. But then I discover that the counselor has been manipulating me! Do you really think I can trust you after that?"

_I'm really pissed off now..._

"That's not fair, Booth. I just did what I thought was better for you and Dr. Brennan. She... uh... You know.... when you were in coma she had to finally face a lot of ideas and fears and feelings, and I was afraid that her disturbing ability to storage all that, compartmentalize, as she says, won't be enough this time. Even if she did, I was afraid it all burst any moment. She won't admit it but the thought of losing you again was really haunting her."

"You were the one to blame for the first time I died, so better not to make me remember that, Sweets. You're already hanging on the edge right now."

"I thought we were way pass the threatening, Booth."

"Not when we are talking about your lies."

"Misconceptions."

"What?"

"Those weren't lies. Those were misconceptions. I... I... admit that the approach to the issue in both cases may have not been the better, but I don't feel guilty."

"You should." _You little nosy shrink should be regretting of your shameful and improper behavior._

"I..."

"Bones suffered. She shouldn't ever suffer again." _Ever!_

"I'm... I'm sorry for that. But the data I gathered..."

_Data?? He just wanted to gather data??? That's too much!!!_

"Was _**that**_ all?? _YOU_..." _Relax, Seeley... "__**You**__... _only wanted _**data**_? I can't believe that you used us..."

"No, no, no.... Booth... It's not that... Don't..."

"What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna keep on messing up the things between us?" _Don't raise the voice... He's just Sweets... You're fond of the kid... Most of the time... He must have had his reasons to this. Maybe he made a mistake, we all do mistakes..._

"I'd never harm you on purpose. You have to believe that. I care too much about you two for allowing that. You have to understand me, Booth. You were not prepared."

_So that was it. We were... not prepared...I was not prepared._

"We..." _I feel so tired all of sudden_. "...we were not prepared."

"Mostly you, Booth, I have to say. Your dream... You were too confused. You needed to know for real your feelings, to separate perfectly reality from your alternate universe."

"But I told you about the dream... I knew... I knew it was a dream..." _I know Bones and I don't rule a nightclub, obviously, and as painful as it is, I know that Bones won't be my... won't be my wife. Not all the hope and the patience in the world would serve me to wait a miracle that I know won't happen._

"Yes you told me, but that doesn't mean I believed you... I mean... The clothes? C'mon, Booth."

"Hey!! They were cool!!" _Yes, they were. Oh, I was so cool in my dream, baby..._

"Yeah, sure... And don't think I haven't noticed your slight changes in your wardrobe."

"Whoa, Sweets. I didn't take you as a boy with a thing for clothes. Does Daisy know about it??" _Yes, embarrass him... It's too funny!!_

"Well, Brennan may have let slip something about those clothing variation in a conversation."

_Since when __does __Bones talk to the kid about my clothes? About me at all? _

"Oh, Bones? Did she notice?_" _

"She did, Booth. So did I._" _

_Is it that obvious?? It's not that I don't like my casual clothing, and I can even say I've grew used to the FBI suit requirement, with my personal touch, of course... But those three pieces... The three pieces is like having a bit of something I know I won't ever have __completely__. It's not that I want the dream, I don't. I want the feeling in my dream in my real life. With her, my Bones... No... she is not mine..._

_Oh, hell!! I'm so lost._

_Sweets was just doing what __he thought was be__tter, and he is the one with the gazillion degrees, courses and doctorates. He is a professional that knows how to do his job. And he is a friend. He would never do anything against us. On purpose._

_He is right. We're safe this way. _

_She and I. Not We. Not Us. Just like this. Just partners._

"Look Sweets, you... you...are right. I...I know...Maybe... Maybe it was better this way. No one would get hurt now."

"Thanks for trusting my judgm-- Whe-where are you going?"

"Thanks Sweets. You made me see things clear again." _That's all I needed to hear. Again._

"Wha-- What? No... No.. I was not... Booth, **wait**!! Do not misinterpret things now... WAIT!…. Just one thing... _**LISTEN**_!! Channel those feelings! Set them free. I think that you two...

Booth was out of the office before Sweets finished the sentence. He finished it the same, almost shouting behind Booth.

... are prepared now."

_I did hear you, Sweets, but you can't really know that... You can't really know that..._

As Sweets entered his office he was bathed by a sense of guilt and regret that made him sit defeated on his sofa. Closing his eyes muttered the last words, that hoped would redeem him.

"I am sorry, Booth."

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_**Thanks for reading. If you want to let me know your opinions on this, feel free to do it. XD**_


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